"Mr Leaving-Soon," I Presume Says Boris

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Our night with the Conservative Candidate for Mayor

At a party this evening in Ealing Town Hall, Boris Johnson gave a speech which gave everyone a taste of the policies he would bring as Mayor if he wins the election on May 1st. Out go bendy buses, high rises and The Londoner (Ken's newspaper) and in come new routemasters, hand-held scanners and transport improvements for boroughs like Ealing.

Boris came hotfoot from Ealing Broadway Station which featured in his speech after he witnessed for himself the evening rush-hour scrum to get beyond the barriers.

Before we heard him speak, we managed to squeeze in beside him for a photo. He looked a little jaded by all the attention, but his speech was energetic and his pronouncements were greeted warmly - mind you, this was a room full of his supporters.

We talked to Richard Barnes, Assembly member for Ealing and Hillingdon and Leader of the Conservatives for the London Assembly. We asked him whether Boris is really serious about becoming Mayor. Mr Barnes told us: "I can tell you, when I first met Boris I told him I didn't want to mess around with a dilettante.

"Here we have a fresh face, someone without cronyism and who knows this is a job worth doing. At the moment, we have an eccentric with no sense of humour as Mayor. Boris, on the other hand, is an eccentric with a sense of humour. He is utterly convincing and is busy gathering a fantastic team around him."

Mr Barnes went on to discuss his concerns for the area. We asked him for his thoughts about Acton: "Acton is neglected and has been for so long. Putting the tram through it would have been like squeezing toothpaste right through it. It would have completely gummed it up, with one-way streets all over the place. Acton needs looking at, it needs changing. We need to recognise the changes already happening there. It needs investment. We also need to get all the landlords together and sort them out, tell them things can't continue as they are."

He was then whisked away to introduce Boris and told the audience that this was the Conservatives' "Greatest chance ever with the best candidate ever. Tired old corrupt Ken Livingstone has to go. The jaws of the tiger get closer and closer." It sounded impressive, but we weren't sure if Boris was supposed to be the tiger as he puts us more in mind of an old English Sheepdog, especially pre his current hairdo.

Boris then took to the platform, telling us that Mayor Livingstone (whom he has re-named Ken Leaving-soon) reminds him of Marlon Brando at the end of Apocalypse Now. He reminded us of two things Mr Livingstone had said before taking office: "I will never, ever get rid of the Routemaster bus" and "Politicians who stay too long in office become corrupt. I will not stay as Mayor for longer than two terms."

"We need to give Londoners the improvements they want to see in crime, transport and housing, and we also want to make sure they get value for money."

Boris said that he wanted to help get people onto the housing ladder; that we cannot continue to build the "unloved" high rise (could it be bye bye to the Ealing Leaf if Boris becomes Mayor?) and that he will be working with local boroughs and not against them to provide more housing and affordable housing.

On transport: "We're not getting the transport we deserve. I stood outside Ealing Broadway Station this evening and watched huge numbers of people coming out. TfL are spending the bulk of their money in the centre of London - that's why there are blockages elsewhere. I insist that proper arbitration is put into place to prevent the squandering of funds in the future." He mentioned RMT bosses' salaries as a particular bete noir.

Boris was warming to his theme: "And on to the buses. Under Mayor Ken we've had a fantastic bus bonanza. There are far too many buses in the elephant graveyard of Oxford Street. We can't abolish cars altogether and penalise the motorist. Under TfL we've had a sadistic closure of routes."

"And," he continued, "It's high time to get rid of that 60-foot long bendy bus."

He said the bendy bus was fine in various Scandinavian airports. (What has he got against Scandinavian airports?). Boris wants to introduce a new routemaster "With an open door - that really is a beautiful feature."

"We have to get rid of this feeling of apprehension and nervousness about the under-18s on the buses. If teenagers misbehave, their Oyster cards will be taken away from them."

Safety on the streets is all important to Boris: "When I was growing up, you could cycle to school safely. There was no apprehension on the buses, in the streets and on station platforms. The atmosphere has changed now and it makes me angry."

He went on to describe how the Police are forced to waste time "filling in ludicrous politically correct forms. We need more uniformed police officers on the streets tackling crime. I want to see knives and other weapons taken away. Why can't we try hand-held scanners to tell whether people are carrying weapons.

"Obviously this problem needs to be tackled at its source, too. I want to help the groups supporting those young people tempted to resort to crime. Lots of money has been wasted by Ken on politically correct agitprop when it could be spent on worthwhile causes. I want to give help and support to groups offering sport, art and training for young people."

He ended by saying that he would absolish the Londoner, "that pointless newspaper," and gave us a "100% guarantee that he would retain the Freedom Pass."

It should be an interesting contest: Old English Sheepdog versus Lizard - not forgetting PC Paddick.

 

 

 

February 1, 2008